43 on this one

69 on no rest*

and for some one if they still have a glint of hope
165 on no rest



I havent been dying all these days.
I just wasing living my life to the fullest.
Just trying to keep myself so broken.
So fractured.
So hurt.
Yet.
Its not like that anymore.
Somthing changed.
I havent zoned out in almost 2 months.
I havent had too terible dreams.
I fianly got a full nights sleep.
The frist in 3 years.
Lifes better somwhat.
Yet im still scared.
The monster still lurks in the darkness.
My demon.
The emptyness that makes me fractured

somthing i think about

do you ever think your the good guy trying to be the bad guy
or the bad guy pretending to be the good guy

just something

War
I find it kindda funny.
WE all go to war for the dumbest reasion.
It may be not to kill some one.
Yet in some way we all go to war.
Yet when we go to real war for good reasions.
No one will stand behind you.
Thats why you have to be the best you cant be.
The person no one knows.
Then they fear you.
Then you know what its like.

The story from my dreams.


He always stood apart from the others.
Drawn to the back corenor of the rooms.
Rarely slept.
Yet always sleep curled in a ball.
He never said much, yet when he talked every one listened..
He would always go fro long walks outta boredom.
He was only entertained when there was bullets whizzing past his head.
H never asked for help.
He was always the first one into battle and the last one out.
He was always the last to eat.
He was always the one that did something dangerous just to save some one.
no one knew much about him. Just that he was the one person every one could count on.
The only person that gave everything and asked for nothing.

That day he died.
It was a dark day.
Every one had that fealing that sothing bad was going to happin.
Just no one knew what it was going to be.
He was shot saving his men.
The only thing he said he knew how to do right.

His last words were.
In my pocket you will find every thing you need to know.
Yet you will still know nothing.

In his pocket was 2 peaces of paper.
one was a letter addressed and ready to send.
It had a name on it.

The other peace of paper was folded not sealed like the letter.
It said.
Stamp the letter and send it do not open it.
Send my body home.
They will know what to do.
Only remember what I did not who I was.
"it is not the life that you live but what do do in life that matters."
The day will come when you know what I mean.
Also don't be sad at my death.
life goes on and so shall yours.
The end.
Or was it?

Just sometimes i wonder.
ITs kindda wired you and me.
just somthings.
its kindda like we where made for each other?
just a thought

the question is not where was I
nor where will I go.
but where Iam i now

I no longer look back on my past.
it is gone.
never to come back.
yet i know it will still shape me for tomaorw.

In darkness I see things clearly.
In darkness I know everything.
In darkness the peace is unserpased.
In darkness I fight.
In darkness I live.
In darkness I call it my home.
In Darkness I rest.

I always said i would never loo for any religion or faith.
yet i still had me opinions.
yet faith/religion did not find me.
i gess i foiund it.

the world crumbs around me.
the sky falls.
yet one wishes to hold it all together.
the thin strand holding the sky up.


I will continue to hold the world together as long as im.




if you know the question.

179



I hold the weight of the world on my sholders.
Constantly fixing every ones problems.
Just being the pillar for every one to lean on.
Just one more person in this fucked up world.
Just some one that hears everything.
Just some one that trys to change things.
Just on more hole in the ground when its all gone and over.
Just a person.
Just one more lost soul looking for a home.
just some one that never knows anything yet knows all.
Being right is a berden most dont know.
I hate it.
Just hate knowing everything.
Just hate knowing everything about people with out knowing.

The cool lake lapping its waves over my feet.
the warm sand of the beach.
The cool breeze.
the sun slowly rising over the horizon.
That fealing everthing is allright.
Just siting here watching the sun rise.


anyways new theame song i think
fly from the inside. by shinedown
or
101

15 gose with last one
ish
well
more like 148

94
155 156
140

run with the wind blowing behind you.
run far from here.
leave the peaces on the floor and move on.

a wise man once said
you can spend minutes hours days weeks Evan months over analyzing the situation trying to put the peaces back to together, justifying what could have happened...or you can leave the peaces on the floor and move the fuck on.

he also said
some other things but owell i cant remember